I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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