if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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