Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
