I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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