my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
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thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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