sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
