someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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