I don't usually arrange sex via text message
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
