I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
