This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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