Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
