last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
operation harelip BJ is a go
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
