So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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