I just pynch a tree in the face
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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