I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
