Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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