he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Farmville is her only friend.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
