how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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