I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
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And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
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Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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