He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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