Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
