dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
