I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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