I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
