my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
