But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
