oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
you made out with another girl for some wings
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
