Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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