Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
