You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
