wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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