She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
