I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
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You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
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I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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