yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
