I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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