the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
