tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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