you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
