I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
