I wish my penis had an off switch
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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