Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
