He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
