god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
