you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize