He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
