Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
