And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize