i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
