i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Your penis caused this!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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