You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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