Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
