did you get engaged???
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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