My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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