The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
