I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
