he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
