she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
