My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She bit a glass in half.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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