I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
