I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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