If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
