She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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