even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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