just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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