Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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