Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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