Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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