I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
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