woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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