I want to walk on stilts...naked
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
