My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
