Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later