Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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