I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize