So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
