It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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