ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
