Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
