Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
