god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
